Who Is a Wise Man
Mulling over painful messages from family
Recently my father reached out to me. He felt it wise to send me a message regarding his faith, and indirectly how he felt about me as a person. The photo message was based off a bible commentary about James 3:13.1
"Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom."
James 3:13
Innocent enough, right? The verse discusses a man who goes about his life with meekness and good conversation. Was it a compliment from my father? Was he telling me that I was wise and meek individual? No. He certainly was not.
I realize that my blog format my make that a bit hard to read. But I'll parse some of that into standard vernacular.
Wisdom is only found from god and in eternal salvation. And knowledge referenced is the knowledge of man's wicked and sinful nature. A wise and knowledgeable man knows that he is a sinful and wicked human being that is nothing without god. He also knows that his only glory will be in the afterlife spent with god. The works mentioned in this verse were to be bringing others to god and towards belief and trust in him.
There is certainly enough there to discuss. But much of that is something I've heard time and time again. That without god you and your life are completely worthless. Only through belief in god can you find a purpose for your life. I've heard it from my ex-pastor and it doesn't surprise me to see my father repeat the same message.
The specific part that made me angry was this quote though.
And endued with knowledge amongst you?
as he is, who is endued with the knowledge of himself; of the impurity of his nature, and the plague of his heart; and of his impotency and inability to do any thing that is spiritually good of himself; and of the imperfection and insufficiency of his righteousness to justify him before God; and of his lost state and condition by nature, how deserving of the wrath of God, and obnoxious to the curses of the law; and how miserable he must be without the grace of God and righteousness of Christ: and who is also endued with the knowledge of Christ, so as to see a fulness, suitableness, and ability in him as a Saviour;
Holy run-on sentence, Batman!
I am, in my father's eyes, impure. My very heart (my core, my soul) is plagued. Unable to do anything that is spiritually good. I'm lost and insufficient, deserving of the wrath and curses of god. Miserable and lost without a savior. THIS is how my father sees me. And at one point I would have quickly agreed with him. I saw myself as wretched and wicked. "Chief among sinners" as Paul stated.2 But since I've left religion, I've been working on my image of self and how I view humanity as whole. Working to not see the worst in myself and those around me. Seeing the duality of man. How everyone has the capability of both good and bad within them.
I've personally left behind the belief that mankind is wicked and deprived from birth. "Sin nature" or "Fallen nature" is how I believe this concept is called within many Christian circles. That humanity is naturally wicked and prone to sin or wicked behavior. That after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit mankind inherited genetically or spiritually some wicked nature that infuses our very being (Original Sin).
It's taken a lot to move beyond this belief, and I have no intention of going back to a faith that encourages me to think of myself as wretched, depraved, and plagued. Personally, I believe that this type of core belief really messes with one's sense of self-worth. When you believe that you are wicked and depraved at your core you can accept a lot of negative self-talk. I've written about it before, so I won't delve deeply into that. But suffice to say my personal image of myself has been a lot better without this specific belief in my life. And due to that my mental health has been better outside of Christian religious spaces rather when compared to my life inside of fundamentalist Christian spaces.
It's hard to overstate how painful the message was, even if my father never said a word. I tried engaging with him about the topic, but he ignored my response.
I sent something close to what is written below.
Hey dad,
I got your message on signal. I don't think we've recently discussed my religious beliefs. But I think you are aware that we hold different beliefs. I do not need further explanation of the gospel message. I spent two decades trying to understand and further my knowledge of the Christian faith. I've been there before, and I'm not there now. This type of message is condescending, and I believe you know that. I can and do have a life and hope outside of the Christian faith. I know I'm never going to convince you of that. But that is what I believe. I have so many other words, but I want to be civil here. So, I will end it there. Please do not send these religious messages.
I deleted signal; currently the app is the only way he contacts me.3 And sent the message via standard texting. And I've yet to receive any further messages from him (It's been a month since the message). And my only other significant contact with him was him in the last few months (before this) was him making a snide remark about "Inverting gender" being satanic and then dodging any further conversation. I really do not wish to have contact with someone that is only going to make occasional spiteful comments then dodge any conversation around how that could be harmful or painful.
I've already written about going low contact and skipping over in person visits with my family for the holidays this year. But messages like this help to cement the decision I've previously made. If my father
John Gill's Exposition of the Bible (This is the commentary that my father used.)
1 Timothy 1:15 This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance: that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.
Mainly due to anti-government related conspiracies. And conspiracies around big tech companies like google.